A Way Back
by ITILY
Summary: Continution to "Please Don't", "Right and Wrong" & "Happily ever after". MelloXNear. M for non-con. Sometimes the best thing would be to forget and start all over again, if only I could turn back time, I want us to be happy. pls R&R.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

_Near's POV_

My wrist burned as I tugged harder at the cuffs, I wasn't even trying to get loose anymore, as if I had the strength to break through steel with my sort of physique in the first place, those futile efforts only made me feel moronic about myself. Our bodies clashed, pulling at the restraints again, making me scream, even with the gag on, I was sickened by the sound I heard myself make. Every corner of the room seemed to dim and the lights smeared into a blur, my God, am I losing conscious? I wish my hands were free so I could slap myself, I'd never thought I could've grown so weak as to be unable to endure him. Breathing was hard especially since I couldn't use my mouth, but I tried to calm myself, let some oxygen into lungs, clear out my head a little. No way I'd let myself faint, I can withstand this, I WILL withstand it.

"You're being awfully passive Near," I blinked the tears back, trying to read his face as he said that, but all I saw was a veil of blonde locks, and those steady strong arms that could hold out all night, doing this to me. I wonder if he's proud that he can overpower me, if he's happy to see me in this pain, is he satisfied that I'm reduced to nothing but an object to relieve him of his frustrations. Well, I've to remember to congratulate him when he's done for the night.

I felt like I was being split in half, and those words matched the feeling of having him inside me so well, that it made me think this must be what being stripped naked in front of a crowd and crucified, nailed to a cross must feel like. He moaned in my ears as he came, I had so much anger and bitterness in me at that moment, I swear, if my hands weren't bound, I would've beaten him to death, by whatever means that were possible for me to do such a thing.

He kissed my cheek then, still breathless and panting heavily, wiping the tears and sweat off my face, pushing my thick bangs aside, finally letting me set eyes on his mesmerizing blue eyes, I've always loved how in the dark, they tend to take on a tint of gray, giving them so much more depth. He wore a pleading look for me, right then, I wish I could spit in his face and curse him to hell.

He started to move again after the little breather, forcing himself on me again, I can't ever understand where he gets his libido from, I could barely feel my toes due to exhaustion. I wonder what it would be like if our roles were switched, I bet it must be fun to be him, doing whatever the hell he wants, what I'd give to tear up his insides like how he does to me. Things like, once per night never happen, it always has to be two or three times, some nights feel like they'd last forever. The man has no guilt, nor shame.

"I love you," he whispered in my ear, my eyes widened, but I quickly close them, the things he said were always so contradictory that they surprise me almost every time. I feel my body becoming cold from those simple words, and the tears start to prick at the corner of my eyes again. I want those words to be true so badly, but….

_Don't pretend to love me, you good for nothing…_

~L~L~

Morning greeted me with an eye-hurting sunlight and annoying buzz of crowds and cars already stuck in traffic. What an irritating manner to be woken up and to top it off, the buffoon was still here, caressing my hair and face, I didn't want to look at him, I was by no means in a good mood to entertain a psycho at this hour of the day. I grumbled, hiding my face into my pillow, closing my eyes tightly.

"It's morning already sunshine," he stated, as if I didn't know. "Ten to be precise, I've got some business at the west side of town, I'm already running late, breakfast is on the table. You got that?" He poked my shoulder.

"Got it," I mumbled, wishing he'd get going already, I needed to rest my aching back and try to forget that this ever happened. He got off the bed, finally taking his hands off me, walking out the door quietly, and as aggravating as he is, he didn't shut it after he left. Bloody idiot.

_Please don't come back._

~L~L~

Wow, that was short :P I really didn't think I could get this story out this soon. But it's just been bugging me for a long time and I think most who read the series also want this continuation (I think), I'll try my best to keep on track with the previous storyline, although the style won't really be the same bcuz those were my really early works, but I'll try to keep this new one more in character. So I hope you guys will enjoy this new series, the prologue is just to get me started again, I feel it's kinda pointless, since it shows nothing of what's coming next. Well anyways, please review or fav or like, let me know what you think :)


	2. DUI

**D.U.I.**

_Mello's POV_

My boots clicked on the cement ground as I made my way to my motorcycle, the sound sort of soothing, it was a good distraction to pay attention to, so I didn't have to listen to all the voices running through my head at the moment. I made it across the empty parking lot, where my sleek black bike awaited in all it's glory. It resembled me in more ways than one, dark and elegant, yet dangerous, not something that just about anyone can handle. I straddled it, letting out a long sigh, one I've been keeping in this whole time. I ran a gloved hand through my hair, finally pressing on my temples, but it was no good, I was having one hell of a migraine. Letting out another sigh, I reached into my inner jacket pocket and pull out a hip flask, gulping down the liquor greedily. It burned a little as the fluid flowed down my throat, I smirked thinking of what Near would do if she saw me drinking like this. Probably be pretty pissed at me, she's so easily agitated these days, her eyes are like daggers, I can almost feel them spiking me.

It's not my damn fault, she's got no right getting angry. I'm so tired at trying to fix things now, I feel like a heavy lump sinking down the Marianas Trench, a bottomless pit of nothingness, where I'd never see the light again and there was nothing me nor anyone else can do about it. It was a pretty good analogy of things, I wonder which would kill me first, the pressure of the depth, or the strange lurking creatures just waiting to take a bite out of me.

I'm so over this, I don't want to try to fix myself, I can't fix Near, and I sure as hell can't fix our situation. So what's left? I don't know what to do with myself anymore, it's like fate has already decided my life from this point out is already meaningless, I'm not lost, I'm done. And yet, I still keep coming around, so that neither of us can break out of the cycle, I know I'm hurting everyone, maybe I'm just a coward, I've lost the me that would've bet his life on a risk that only had 1% chance of succeeding.

Before I knew it, I was already half way drunk with an empty flask and it wasn't even noon yet, damn, now I'm depressed. Replacing the cap on, I started my bike, no point sitting around, bringing myself down, work isn't going to do itself. I sped off, mildly chuckling at the idea of being arrested for a D.U.I.

~L~L~

_Near's POV_

"Drunkard," I hissed under my breath, tugging at a tightly wound curl around my finger, feeling more annoyed and upset than I've ever felt in my life. And guess whose fault that was?

I stared at the clock across the room, for once it felt as if everything about me was falling apart, and it scared me out of my wits thinking that no one would be there to help me piece it back together. It's as though the world was drained of everything good, and what's left is just hollowness. I feel so very, very hollow.

Thank you Mello, I thought sarcastically, thank you for destroying whatever that brought me happiness, and thank you for robbing me of the chance to ever feel complete and fulfilled.

I dragged myself off the seat, carrying the worry that weighed more than what I thought I could ever bear, my breath fogged the glass a little as I went closer to look at what was going on. My eyes squinted instinctively at the brightness, everything was reflecting light, even their white coats seem to have fluorescence, the white lamps intensified it even more.

"Excuse me sir," I quickly dodged out of the way as another doctor was called to the scene. I sank to my feet, leaning on a wall for whatever support I could get, I didn't even care how embarrassing I must look right now, so out of composure.

"Don't you dare die on me," I whispered through my gritted teeth, clutching my shoulders so tight that my nails dug into my skin, letting the tears finally fall.

~L~L~

Whoa, only chapter 2 and already getting writer's block, I'm so rusty...Sorry for this awfully short chapter guys, well, still hope you enjoy it, at least I'm updating right? :P Anyways, I wanna thank those who still continue to follow this story after such a long break, you guys are wonderful, don't forget to leave a comment! Anyone able to guess where I'm going with this story yet?


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